Why I like Naija men: they get the family thing


I was talking to a friend yesterday who will be meeting a Naija man that she met online in person this coming weekend. I’m beyond excited for her, and I’m getting my hair and nails done too, just in case she’s unable to make the trip and she needs me to step in for her. Yup, I’d do anything for my friends.

While I’ve been busy meeting men who have either been arrested for fraud, are in the process of lying (by omission) about their identity, or who are old enough to be my father, my hot, nice and smart friend has met a guy who seems pretty darn great. Yes, he is still human of course but he seems to be one of the good guys: he’s employed, a legal resident of where he lives and lots of other things that my friend refuses to tell me because um, it’s her budding relationship, not mine!

(I jest o, she’s given me plenty of details about the bobo, even though sometimes I bet she wishes I’d stop asking)

Anyways, that’s not what this entry is actually about. I’m here to tell you something that I really like about Naija men, something that this guy sort of illustrated. I find that oyinbos just don’t understand why some of us have such close ties to our families, while the Naija guy gets that. I mean you have some oyinbo parents who truly believe their responsibility as parents is over once their child turns 18, and you can find them packing up their kid’s bags and wishing them the best in the world the moment their child blows out the candles on the cake. Call me weird, but even though I’m a whole 28 years old, if I was going on a date with a guy that I met online, or even if I met him at the local grocery store, I would tell my family what I’m going to do. I don’t think this will change even when I move out on my own, although I’ll probably only tell them the important things then. It’s not that I need their approval, but I like for them to know what’s going on in my life and what I’m doing. I wouldn’t give them intimate details or anything but they will certainly not ever be surprised if I were to announce that I have a boyfriend because they would have known that I was getting to know someone. Perhaps I’m more open with my family than some might be, but it works for me.

Most Naija guys would not only understand but would be willing to even talk to my parents and say hi to them even before meeting me in person because they know that for some parents it’s important that they know what sort of person their daughter is talking to. A couple of the men I never dated spoke with my mother and it was never a weird or awkward thing; in fact both parties enjoyed it.

Most Naija men won’t give you a hard time if you’re hanging with them and say “Oh, I’m just going to call my parents/sister/uncle and let them know that I won’t be coming over this weekend” or something, whereas my oyinbo friend would be like “You’re 28, why do you have to tell them?” and I’d be like “It’s not that I have to but I want to” and he totally wouldn’t get it. I really appreciate that a Naija guy would get that and wouldn’t make a big deal about it.

Of course if it got to the point where I can’t make a decision without calling mummy, daddy, all my siblings and some “aunties” and “uncles” too, that would be an entirely different matter.

7 Responses to “Why I like Naija men: they get the family thing”

  1. I agree totally. I think it’s just the culture difference. I really don’t understand why anyone would think an 18yr old is GROWN. I barely knew my left from my right at 18 (although i wouldn’t have thot so back then). My mom doesn’t think any of her children are grown until they are in her husband’s house. Her exact words. I fear to think what would happen if i never got married.

  2. LMAO …

    u know i think its about the training given to us at younger age, like when we were teenagers, but i dont think its totlly bad esp. if one is still livin wit ones parents, our culture expects it of us but some people dont really care,
    but personally i dont see a prob in it not unless it gets to a stage where u ve onbe have to find out if its ok to kiss a new man…lol

  3. Truth is we have different values and cultures.
    Its better to stick to what’s familiar.

    Online dating…am not too comfortable with it but i wish ur friend the best of luck.

  4. 4 sherri

    yes o, the family thing is nice but, their (parents)over-involvement can turn the simplest issues to complex ones.

    am smack in the middle of it right now..

  5. It’s definitely the culture difference thingy. The fact of the matter is that we all have our issues: men, women, Naija, American…all of us. But thank God 4 ur friend sha.

  6. 6 Oya

    I wish this ur friend all the best o! Online dating can be scary.

  7. Hey girlie, quit generalizing before I hurt you…you simply have not found the right guy “oyibo” or not…do you know the first time my fella met my mom, he actually “dobale-d” (sp) to her. I told him what was expected and because he loves me, he did what was neccesary to gain my mother’s approval. Did I also mention this man is in his 40s?? Well then. Now you know.

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